So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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