Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
