So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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