Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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