i would punch a child for taco bell
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
