dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pants are for mortals
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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