shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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