it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
