i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
