I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
