i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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