Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
