My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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