mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
