But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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