we have officially lost it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
