when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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