She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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