I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
