Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
