just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
