Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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