She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
