Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
