my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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