isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
