we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's get the cat blown out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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