I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
