i just had sex bonerless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
