If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
