First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
