I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
