Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
