everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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