were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
