hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
