My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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