the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
