my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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