you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
