im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
