She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
