too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
