i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dignity is for republicans.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
