I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
