Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
