Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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