Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
