As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
