scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
