I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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