It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i believe in u and ur pee
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
